Big Dipper – A Follow Up

Music follows us through each stage of a relationship. It helps to capture the excitement that comes with meeting someone new. It follows the crests and the nadirs of our time together, reflecting the feelings that boil up out of nowhere as well as the ones that stew and fester below the surface. There are songs for everything. I shared with you songs that highlighted our relationship in general and specific points, from the hopeful to the hopeless. I love the Get Up Kids, and one of the main reasons that I do is because their lyrics speak to me. I identify with them on a few levels. I thought the spectrum of my feelings was pretty much complete and ready to be documented, but now I’ve discovered a nasty and inevitable aftertaste: the sting of betrayal and jealousy that accompanies.

Facebook. Facebook is where we connected, where we ended, and where my current feelings of sickness and frustration have arisen from. Facebook is where I discovered her utter emotionless bullshit. She’s seeing someone. Already. And he’s a friend of mine. She said all along that there was nothing between them, that it was completely one-sided on his part, and that she had no interest. Clearly not the case, as you are together less than a week after our breakup. I’ve never been treated with such reckless abandon, such an utter disregard for my emotions. Who the fuck does she think she is? My stomach is in knots and my mind is just confused. She talked to me about him. She talked about how he gave her a present, how he was really sweet and treated her well. I thought it was harmless. If it wasn’t, why would she even bring him up. He deserves her more than I do, that’s probably true, but it shouldn’t go down like this. Who does that? I am a human. She is apparently just a soulless ghoul of a girl, lacking the basic decency and maturity to be forthcoming with her emotions. One would think, being as intelligent as she is, that she would have an inkling of ability to understand the repercussions of what she has begun to put me through. It’s part of being a compassionate person. She may be book smart, but when it comes to knowing how to treat someone who she apparently “loved” at one point she is fucking clueless.

This is where I introduce a bunch of ragingly bitter cathartic music to get me through this. Give me Brand New. Give me the Get Up Kids. Give me a singer with a soul, because she sure as hell doesn’t have one. Musicians have the ability to discuss their feelings, they have the guts to share with the world how they feel. I know that I have that ability. She doesn’t. None of those girls in those songs do. That’s why they are being written about, by people who have enough of an understanding of humanity to capture their emotions and put it into writing. I hope she reads this. I hope it cuts her to the core. I don’t think it will. Have fun with him Rosalind, he deserves it. You don’t deserve him though, and you didn’t deserve me.

I am heaven sent,
Don’t you dare forget.
I am all you’ve ever wanted,
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told. I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems,
Shelter from cold. we are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me whats it like to have
Myself so figured out.
I wish I knew..

I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad
To be where they are,
With whoever they’re there with.
This is war.
Every line is about,
Who I don’t wanna write about anymore.
Hope you come down with something
They can’t diagnose, don’t have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh its so hard to have someone to love.
And keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you cant keep a secret
If it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn’t wanna get caught..

We’re concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we’re so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth,
We are the best at what we do.
And these are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds,
Handsome and smart.
Oh my tongue’s the only muscle on my body
That works harder than my heart.
And its all from watching TV,
And from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn’t stop if I could.
Oh it hurts to be this good.
You’re holding on to your grudge.
Oh it hurts to always have to be honest
With the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go..

We’re concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe.
We’re concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

This is the grace that only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend,
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason your alone,
This is the rise and the fall.

We’re concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe.
We’re concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we’re throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

About ctrimis

I am a student at the University of Washington, majoring in Percussion Performance and Music Education. View all posts by ctrimis

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